10 THINGS WE LOVE ABOUT TUBELIGHT

Very few times in life does one get to witness history. Watching Tubelight this Friday was not one of those times. The title, which is a euphemism for the audience that has gone to watch the film, should be warning enough if you're planning to give an evening to the Kabir-Salman duo. But if you still want to go, well here's a list of things (it was like finding a needle in a haystack, but we managed to) that make the experience bearable.

1. Shah Rukh Khan's Cameo

Who thought Shah Rukh Khan would be the best thing about a Salman Khan film? But as they say, the King of Bollywood is capable of anything. So if you're a die-hard fan and can't take your eyes off the screen for a second when SRK is on, then you must definitely watch the film for his five-minute cameo where he reinforces the "Tumhe yakeen hai" message.

2. Om Puri's role as guardian

The film marks Om Puri's last filmed performance and if for nothing else, you must watch this film to see this legendary actor on screen just one more time. While the direction doesn't really do justice to his prowess, we will be forever grateful for one last glimpse.

3. Bhai ka bhai, Sohail

If you thought we're going to praise Sohail's performance, you thought wrong. The only reason we love him in the movie is because we get to see very little of him. And we are forever thankful that he was missing for the most part in the second half.

4. Zhu Zhu

Continuing with Bollywood's recent obsession with casting foreign actors in films, Kabir Khan introduces us to the gorgeous Zhu Zhu, who probably is the prettiest thing you will see on screen during its 136-minute run time. The Chinese actress, known for films like Cloud Atlas, Shanghai Calling, and Last Flight, is enticing throughout her performance.

5. Picturesque locations

Who says gorgeous actors are the only eye-candy you need these days? If ZNMD has managed to establish anything in Bollywood, it is that scenic beauty always works. In fact, it might just be the secret to a film's success because in Indian cinema, scripts and acting hardly play a role. And that is what Kabir Khan's Tubelight is banking on, because if it wasn't the beautiful backdrop of Leh and the good cinematography, we aren't sure what we would've gone to see.

6. The supporting cast

We want to applaud the film's casting agency, MCCA, for bringing together a talented bunch of actors because when the lead actor cannot carry a film on his shoulders, it's the supporting cast that makes all the difference. Besides Zhu Zhu, Matin Rey Tangu, and Mohammed Zeeshan Ayyub have done a remarkable job in making the film tolerable.

7. Awesome music

Okay, maybe I am using the word "awesome" loosely, but if you remove the musical score from the film, you are left with a buffed-up man making constipated sounds to some stuck-up choreography (read acting). The music, which has been given by the super-talented, never-accused-of-plagiarism, Pritam, consists of a total of four songs, of which two—Naach Meri Jaan and Sajan Radio—are bearable.

8. Plenty of leg space

This is not something in the movie but the theatre (located in a multiplex, mind you) which was completely empty except for me and seven other people, who thought "dimaag ki batti jalana" was a good way to spend a Friday morning. Definitely didn't look the opening of a Bhai film. On the plus side, I did get to sit and watch the debacle on the recliners in the last row. See, Bhaijaan saying "Aise mat kaho na".

9. Superb air conditioning

So maybe the leg space wasn't the only logistical plus; the air conditioning was pretty awesome too. Plus if you get to skip the first few hours in office on a hot Friday morning, you wouldn't want to give it up. Sleep? Check. AC? Check. Food? Check. Entertainment? ERROR 404. Script? Errrrr, what!

10. Faith restored in the uselessness of commercial cinema

Kya Tumhe Yakeen Hai? Haan. I strongly believe that despite not making any sort of sense, the film will do good business. If Prem Ratan Dhan Paayo could've crossed the ₹ 200 crore mark, then Tubelight wouldn't really have trouble. I won't be surprised if we see it grossing over a ₹100 crore in the next three days. And that's how you know Bollywood will continue to churn out crap and we will continue to consume it (rozi-roti ka sawal hai bhai).

To conclude, if you are a Bhai-fan, please stop abusing me in your head and if you're not, well you can totally skip watching this one. Meanwhile, check out what the janata has to say about the film here.