TWO WOMEN , NEETU SINGH AND SUTAPA SIKDAR WHO WILL BE KNOWN AS STRONG WOMEN WHO FACED THE STORMS IN THEIR LIVES WITH UNUSUAL COURAGE

It seems like the time to take women seriously and not  consider them as the weaker or less fortunate sex has come or his atleast around the corner and women will stake their claim to a place that will be as strong as men . And to think of it ,haven't women shown their strength when they are faced with a crisis and pushed to the wall ? I for whatever is my worth have always believed that a woman can be as strong as a man ever since I had seen my mother fighting her wars single-handedly in an over whelmingly male-dominated society and winning and  encouraging and inspiring other women to be and I had seen how she had a following of women of all ages and even educated and  illiterate women.And I am talking about a  time more than fifty years ago when there was no talk of equality of women and the struggle to liberate women, even in a city like Bombay (now Mumbai)...

My mother was branded a rebel when she didn't cry when her husband and my father who was twenty -two years older than her had died and she had not cried or created any kind of an emotional scene in the village as she had to arrange for my father to be converted before dying as per his wish, deal with all his Muslim relatives who were entirely against her husband being converted and she then had to make all the arrangements for his burial in a Christian cemetery...

How I wish my mother was around to see two other brave,young, educated and well-known women reacting to the deaths of their celebrity husbands !  I am in awe and full of respect talking about Neetu Singh, the wife of my friend and an actor loved by millions ,Rishi Kapoor and Sutapa Sikdar, the writer-wife of the ever-so-talented Irrfan Khan...

It was one of the most talked about love stories of the early seventies when Rishi Kapoor and Neetu Singh who had played the romantic lead in nine films had fallen in love in real life and had even got married in one of the most written about and spoken about marriages of the time . Neetu gave up her career to set up home for Rishi and her and they had a daughter who they named Riddhima and a son called Ranbir. And life went on for them without any hiccups till the children grew up and Riddhima got married and went away to Delhi and Ranbir became the new heartthrob of millions like his father was...

Lightning struck the happy family when Rishi was flown to New York for what was suspected to be Cancer in 2018 and came back after two years with the good news that he was cured. He continued to  be  the same full of life Rishi Kapoor without letting many known that he was putting up one big act (he was a great actor, after all) .Things however took a nasty turn on the nights of April 29 when the world was still trying to come to grips with the grim reality of the death of Irrfan Khan.The next morning, April 30,at 8.45.am ,Rishi was still full of life (or was he acting  the last scene of his life ?).He was listening to some songs and talking to Neetu who was by  his side in spite of the lockdown, when he suddenly closed his eyes to a well-lived and a priceless life.Rishi Kapoor  was dead at 67 ....

If one expected Neetu to cry, shriek and scream,they were not thinking about Neetu Singh,the woman who had stood by her husband like a pillar of hope and love for more than two year ,or time when Rishi was seriously effected by the killer disease, Lukemia. She was more involved in getting her son and daughter to their father's bedside as he wanted them to, especially his son, Ranbir who rushed to the hospital in time. She  had to see that arrangements were made for Rishi's  cremation keeping in mind the strict security arrangements under the lockdown. It is still not known who took the decision to cremat Rishi at the electric crematorium at Chandanwadi at Marine Lines ,but I would like to believe that the decision was taken by Neetu or by her in consultation with other experienced people. It was all over for Rishi Kapoor when his body went up in flames at Chandanwadi. Who could have imagined that Rishi Kapoor, one of the most popular actors of the last fifty years would have ended like this, with only his family and a crowd of pandits screaming their lungs out and asking for "Shanti "for the soul of Rishi. The first thought that crossed my mind when I saw Rishi lying helplessly on the floor in an ordinary wooden  bier with his body covered with a white sheet was ,what Rishi would have done to the pandits if he was a living Rishi. He would have certainly screamed at the pandits and asked them why they were there in such large numbers, why they were wearing such clourful clothes and from where they had got their colourful and expensive masks and gloves.Lekin ,aisa ho nahi saka ,Rishi aur abhi aisa ho bhi nahi sakta, kyunki Rishi Kapoor dobaara ho nahi sakta....

And sorry if am still with Rishi, but what can I do when the hangover of a friend gone away is still so strong in me ? Neetu showed her courage in the face of her greatest crisis when she issued a  statement about the last few moments of Rishi. She talked about how he was  jovial and how he joked and talked with the doctors even when the end was near and how he had showed courage in facing the pain and suffering for two long years. She even went out of her way to ask relatives,friends and fans of Rishi not to try and attend his funeral and follow the orders of the authorities about the lockdown. I wonder if an ordinary and weak woman would have taken control over her emotions and gather the courage to face the adversity in her life and the lives of her family members. I have known Neetu since the time when she was a popular child artist called Baby Sonia and look how that Baby has grown into a woman who can be a shining example for other women to emulate....

And what Sutapa Sikdar, the widow (I hate both the word and the emotion that goes with it)of Irrfan Khan has said in her statement after the death of her husband. I am sure  something that no woman has written or ever spoken about her husband in the entire history of women. The enlightened woman who has been living the kind of life very few women can dare to during the last two and a half years Is something I have read several times and still find it difficult to believe her spirit in which she has taken Irrfan's death. In her statement which has now become   popular, she says that her husband's passing away is not her loss,but her gain .She goes on to say that her grief is not hers alone as millions have shared their grief with her and her two sons. She says her gain is in that Irrfan has taught her lessons which can help her and her sons grow and evolve. She describes her life with Irrfan as a journey that has been "wondrous, beautiful, overwhelming, painful and exciting ".She goes on to say that she has a grudge against Irrfan and that is his spoiling her completely because of his drive for perfection which will not make her settle for anything that is ordinary. In a moving reference to her husband's illness, she says the two and a  half years of his battle with cancer had been like an interlude in their life together for thirty- five years in which he was the conductor of the orchestra and she learnt how to play under his baton.She says her little family (which now consists of just her and her two sons, Babil and Ayaan )is like a boat now and she hope that her sons will paddle the boat's way  through the storm, under the guidance of their father who will navigate them with his guidance like he use to do when he was here ...

Sutapa takes an emotional trip and talks about planting a "raat ki rani"plant (it was Irrfan's favorite flower )on his grave from which she hopes to see a tree grow which will spread the fragrance of Irrfan all around and to his fans who she believes are now a  part of their family. Sutapa also thanks all those who walked with them in their journey, which included the doctors who treated Irrfan. There are two quotes from the sons which they have learnt from their father. Babil says, "surrender to the dance of uncertainty and trust in the universe "and Ayaan says, "learn to control your mind and let your mind not control you ".

With these kinds of thoughts in the minds of Sutapa and her sons, I am sure that they will come out of the dark clouds they have been living under , will emerged stronger, wiser and victorious...

I wish we had many more women like Neetu Singh and Sutapa.....